Educational Decree Number Twenty-Six
by dukeofpoorplanning
Summary: Harry storms outside one night after a particularly frustrating Defense Against the Dark Arts Class with Umbridge, only to receive unexpected company as he reflects on his hatred of "the toad." Company, it seems, that is determined to change his life for the better. Three-shot. Complete. I mean it this time. Rewrite in progress, but it might be a while before it's up.
1. Goddamn Umbridge

**I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own Harry Potter.**

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><p>Harry Potter was not generally a happy person. He had more things than most to be angry about, and had never learned to deal with that anger other than by lashing out. What he <em>had<em> learned is that people didn't tend to appreciate it when someone else takes their anger out on them.

And so it was that he stormed out of the open doors of Hogwarts castle one fine fall evening, stomping over to the lake. He sat down heavily on its bank, staring into its depths without truly seeing them. He had just come from a particularly frustrating Defense class, wherein Umbridge, the so-called teacher, had spent almost two hours baiting him.

McGonagall's worthless advice echoed in his head: "keep your head down. Don't antagonise her. Don't give her any excuses to punish you." A fat lot of good that did when _she_ openly antagonised _him_ either way.

If any other teacher had said the things she had . . . well knowing Dumbledore, he would have let it slide. Bloody Snape. Even so, the toad crossed the line today. She had all but outright accused Harry of murdering Cedric.

Harry looked down at his right hand, which was stinging. Staring at it in disbelief, Harry absentmindedly pulled a blade of grass from the ground next to him and transfigured it into a long white ribbon, which he wrapped around his hand three times before tying it off.

It had been two whole weeks since his last detention with the toad, how in the hell did the scars on his hand open up again? As Harry watched, the ribbon slowly but surely turned red. Eventually, Harry stopped wondering how they opened and started thinking about how odd it was that such small cuts bled so much, so fast.

"What happened to your hand?" asked a female sounding voice from behind him.

"Acromantula bite," he replied without thinking. It took a moment of silent reflection for Harry to realise that most people wouldn't consider that a plausible excuse.

"I didn't know that there were acromantula at Hogwarts," replied whoever Harry was speaking with.

"Well, they all live really deep in forest." This was perfectly true, although the person, whom Harry felt sit next to him, had no way of knowing it.

"And I suppose one snuck out of the forest and into the school just to bite your hand?"

_Actually_, Harry thought to himself, _I wouldn't put that past them_. He said nothing aloud, though, preferring to let the person sitting next to him do the work if she wanted an answer.

They sat in silence for a moment before the girl suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled it to her face. Harry spun to face her as he wrenched his hand away from her grasp.

"Sorry," she said quietly. She looked as though she meant it, which was the only reason Harry didn't either leave or try to curse her.

"Why do want to know, anyway?" He asked, completely thrown by her behavior. He immediately recognised her as a Slytherin in his year, Lilith Moon. The two of them had never spoken beyond exchanging pleasantries before that year, although Lilith had spent an awful lot of time around Hermione (and, as a consequence, Harry) since the start of the year. Despite being a Slytherin, Harry had found her company remarkably tolerable.

"Because you lied. I wanna know what happened that you wanna cover up."

"And what makes you think I'll actually tell you?"

"Nothing, but it was worth a shot." The two of them sat in silence for a moment before: "so what happened to your hand?"

"Reductor curse."

They examined each other for a minute, Harry's emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion while Lilith's dark blue ones were widened in mock innocence.

"Why does Umbridge hate you so much?" she tried instead.

"You know why," Harry replied bitterly.

"Then why won't Fudge believe you about He Who-"

"Voldemort. His name's Voldemort," Harry snapped, cutting her off. Lilith, however, ignored him.

"-Must Not Be Named?"

Harry sighed as his anger left him. He fell back so that he was lying down with his legs dangling over the edge of the riverbank, only a few inches from the surface of the water. "He's a coward," Harry replied eventually. "He doesn't want it to be true, so he pretends that it isn't."

"Even though it is?"

"Yeah."

They were quiet for another moment before Lilith spoke up. "That's pretty dumb. If he's so scared, he should be getting ready for a war, not pretending there won't be one."

"That's what Dumbledore said after the third task," Harry sighed. "But Fudge was never known for being smart, was he?"

There was another brief silence before Lilith drastically changed the subject. "Are you gay? Or are you just not affected by veela?"

"_Excuse_ me," Harry asked. He wasn't as affronted as he knew he did have been, but he was very confused and not a little annoyed with the question.

"Last year, you were the only boy who never drooled over Delacour. Either you're immune to veela, it you aren't inserted in women in general."

Harry considered this for a moment before replying. "Which do you think it is?"

"I know which one I hope it is," she said. Or at least, that's what Harry _thought_ she said. _Must've misheard,_ he hastened to convince himself.

"I don't suppose it's either. I'm not gay, and the veela at the World Cup last summer had an affect on me until I saw them lose it. Since then, I've been immune to their allure. I even had Fleur test me by using hers on me intentionally."

Lilith seemed to consider this for moment before once again following up with another non sequitur. "Is it true you escaped a basilisk in second year?"

"Dunno if 'escape's' the right word, but yeah, more or less," he said indifferently.

Lilith scooted closer to him, looking at him intently. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I fought it, but I wouldn't say I escaped it."

Lilith leaned forward slightly so that her long black hair tickled Harry's face. "Are you saying that you killed a basilisk in second year?"

Harry couldn't quite help himself from asking what Sirius would do in his place, lying down with a very pretty girl leaning over him and staring at him as though he were the most interesting thing in the world. The only answer he could come up with didn't seem too bad, either, which was rare for advice that came from his godfather.

Deciding to go more subtle than simply grabbing her face and pulling her into a kiss (which he rather doubted that she would appreciate), he settled for simply whispering to her, "that a problem, love?"

According to Sirius, his dad had always called his mum "love," and it driven her mad for years. The way Harry saw it, there was no better time embrace Snape's claims that he was nothing but the second coming of his father, and he was beginning to rather like this girl.

Lilith shifted her body so that their faces lined up with each other's and placed a hand next to each of his shoulders. Leaning down further still, she had whispered, "I'm a Slytherin, Harry. That might be off putting for a Ravenclaw, but for me . . ." She trailed off for a moment before asking, once again, "what happened to your hand?"

"Umbridge makes me cut it open for detentions," Harry replied, figuring that it was probably about as farfetched as his earlier claim of a rogue acromantula, even if it _was_ the truth.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have really pretty eyes?" Harry asked. He winced internally at how stupid that must have sounded. Sirius had been giving him flirting lessons over the summer (despite the protests of nearly everyone _but_ Sirius, Harry included), but they didn't seem to have done much good. Harry supposed, this being the first time he had actually tried to apply the lessons, that wasn't very surprising.

_Maybe it came off as sweet? Or cute. I'd settle for cute. _"You don't flirt much, do you, Harry?" _Damn it. She sounded kind of amused, though. Maybe it _was _cute?_

"Should I start now?" he asked, hoping desperately to win back some of the points his eye comment must have lost him.

"I might get jealous," Lilith replied, smirking down at him. He couldn't quite help but notice that she had rather full lips.

"What's to be jealous of, love?" Harry asked in what he hoped was a seductive voice. Judging by her snort, he hadn't pulled it off as well as he might have hoped.

"Do I _really_ have to spell this out for you?" she asked, clearly exasperated.

"It might help if you did," Harry replied cheekily.

"Oh, poor me," Lilith muttered as she leaned down to kiss him. Harry deepened the kiss as his hands, seemingly of their own volition, jumped to the small of her back and pulled her closer to him.

After a few minutes, Lilith reluctantly broke away for air. Harry, who had spent more of his life than he probably should have building up endurance for all the wrong reasons, started trailing kisses along her neck. Lilith repositioned herself so that she was sitting up and straddling Harry, whom she pulled up by his shirt.

Having caught her breath, Lilith grabbed Harry's head with both hands and moved it to her face to kiss him again. He pulled her closer still as she started running her hands through his hair, messing it up even beyond its normal, untamed state.

It wasn't until they were interrupted by a familiar "Hem! Hem!" that the two separated.

When, a week later, a new Educational Decree (number twenty-six) forbade two people of opposite genders from being within six inches of each other, Harry didn't believe for a second that it was a coincidence. He also didn't pay it the slightest mind, not that Lilith would have let him.

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><p><strong>AN: Just a little plot bunny I had floating around my google drive for a while (I have a separate email address and google docs account for fanfiction). I decided I'd finally clean it up and post it, since it's just been sitting around not doing anything the past few weeks. Some stuff I couldn't really incorporate without it being really unnatural: Lilith had a crush on Harry since the middle of their fourth year, and started hanging around Hermione (under the pretext of working on their studies. As if.) to get to know him a little. Evidently she liked what she saw. The whole "Educational Decree number twenty-six" thing is something from the movies. I'm not the biggest fan of the films, particularly the last four (I say, and will <em>always<em> maintain, that David Yates made some very serious missteps with them, as did Steve Kloves), but they really nailed most everything to do with Umbridge in Phoenix. I mean that one moment where Harry knocks on her office door and she very slightly adjusts a single pen on her desk? _Genius._ And I know that probably sounds really sarcastic, given that most of what I write _is_ sarcastic, but it wasn't. Where was I?  
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**Oh yeah. Fanfiction. Anyways, I initially had no intention of continuing this story since I figured that it would just be me rewriting Order of the Phoenix verbatim, only taking out the Cho subplot and adding a more stable relationship between Harry and Lilith. Not really much point. Do I expect that, in that little world, it'd be her in the "nineteen years later" epilogue? Not necessarily, but that's not to say it _would't_ be, either. That said, I later realised that having someone like Lilith in Harry's life kind of changes everything for him, so I figured I'd continue with the story and see where it went.**

**But yeah. Ehem. Tell me what you guys think, since this is my first one-shot (or rather, the first thing I meant to write as a one-shot), and I'm not particularly good with them. I've tried to write a _ton_, and each time I do, I really struggle with the pacing: I'm just never sure how much information to add, or how much I _can_ add. And that ending. Ugh. It's just so . . . abrupt. I dunno, man. But that's why I post this stuff, so that you guys can explain to me all the ways in which I've screwed it up. And on that note, thanks for reading! Duke Out!**


	2. Goddamn Parkinson

**I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own Harry Potter.**

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><p>Spending three hours being chewed out by Umbridge hadn't been a fun experience, and the fact that Harry was held back after their lecture to prevent him from immediately meeting up with Lilith was all but torturous. Until, if course, he discovered that she had been hiding nearby, waiting for him to get out.<p>

Neither had worried that Umbridge's speech had been getting through to the other, the exasperated looks they had exchanged throughout the meeting had ensured that, but they hadn't wanted to just go to bed without seeing the other first.

Luckily, Lilith was a Slytherin. Much foolish grinning ensued, at least on Harry's part; Lilith was a bit better at keeping herself from smiling like an idiot.

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><p>About twenty minutes later, a very cheerful Harry was sitting in a comfortable armchair in Gryffindor tower with Ron and Hermione, blatantly ignoring the Divination homework sitting in front of him.<p>

"Harry?" Hermione asked hesitantly. "Why are you humming?"

"Hmm?" Harry asked.

"You were humming just now," Hermione said suspiciously. "You never hum."

"Yeah, mate," Ron chimed in, "we figured you'd be yelling your head off after Defense this afternoon. But you seem . . . cheerful."

"Odd," Harry replied unconcernedly.

"_Suspicious_," Hermione corrected. "I get the feeling you're hiding something, Harry."

Harry just grinned at her.

"C'mon, you can tell us," Ron said eagerly. "Is it about You Know Who?"

"Nope," Harry chirped.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked in a whisper.

Harry's smile grew until it was threatening to consume his entire face. "Getting warmer," he taunted.

Hermione frowned in concentration while Ron looked between her and Harry, confused. "You couldn't just tell us?" he asked, somewhat annoyed.

"'Course I could," Harry scoffed, "but where's the fun in that?"

"I think Sirius's been a bad influence on you, mate," Ron snorted.

The three fell into a comfortable silence, Harry thinking about his evening while Hermione and Ron tried to work out what had happened to cause his good mood, before Hermione broke it. "No way," she breathed. She stared at Harry disbelievingly, Ron growing more confused by the second.

"No way _what?_" he asked impatiently.

Hermione's face broke into a smile. "You've got a girlfriend," she stated.

Harry's grin, if possible, grew.

"WHAT?" Ron shouted, drawing the attention of everyone in the common room. He coughed uncomfortably, ears going slightly red, and started determinedly at the ground until the Gryffindors around them lost interest.

"You have?" he asked in a whisper once the interest in their conversion had abated.

"Who is she?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"Lilith Moon," Harry replied dreamily.

"Who's that?" Ron asked, confusion evident.

"So that's why she started hanging around me this year," Hermione announced before Harry could answer.

"Is it?" Harry asked. "Sort of thing she'd do, actually," he said fondly.

"Who's Lilith Moon?" Ron asked again.

"Honestly, Ron," Hermione sighed. "You've been in the same Potions class as her for four years, and you don't even know her name?"

"Potions? . . . _YOU'RE DATING A SNAKE?!_"

Once again, everyone turned to stare at them. Ron at least had the decency to look ashamed.

"Well done, Ron," Harry sighed. "How about you hit Ravenclaw next while Hermione tells Hufflepuff?"

"Sorry," Ron said sheepishly. "Just wasn't . . . I _mean_ . . . is she alright?"

"You've met her," Hermione said impatiently. "We've been studying together this year."

Ron frowned, apparently deep in thought. "The girl with the black hair? Really short?"

"She's not short," Harry replied indignantly. "She's almost as tall as me." Hermione threw him a look of exaggerated pity that he chose to ignore. "It's not Lilith's fault you're so damn tall."

The three of them grinned at each other, glad to have reached an accord.

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><p>The Slytherin dormitories and common room, located in the castle's dungeons, were large and opulent, but not particularly comfortable. Lilith would have hated them, if not for the fact that their immense size made it much easier to avoid her fellow year mates.<p>

Malfoy was the most frustrating person it had ever been her displeasure to meet, Parkinson was a disgusting fangirl, Greengrass never said a word, Crabbe and Goyle had likely never had a single thought in their respective lives, and Zabini and Bulstrode were unashamed blood purists. As a half-blood herself, Lilith couldn't stand any of them.

The only two Slytherins in her year, apart from herself, that she found tolerable were Theodore and Tracey, and even _they_ weren't exactly her friends. More acquaintances whose presence she could tolerate for extended periods of time.

So it came as a mild surprise when, a few hours after leaving Umbridge's office, she was accosted by Parkinson, to whom she hadn't said five words since term started, in their dorm room.

"There's a rumor going around that Potter's got a girlfriend," she said, looking like someone who was trying far too hard to seem casual for them to appear anything close to it.

Lilith closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This _completely_ ruined her plan to announce their relationship by snogging him senseless at breakfast the next day. Just to show everyone that he was hers, naturally. _What am I going to do with you, Harry?_ she asked herself, highly exasperated.

"Is there?" Lilith asked, trying to sound indifferent. Her irritation must have bled into her tone, though, because Parkinson's face shifted into a malevolent smirk.

"How do you feel about that, Lilith, dear?" she asked sweetly.

"I don't," she replied tonelessly.

Parkinson's smirk grew, and Lilith couldn't help but find it rather . . . off putting. Not quite to the point where it made her feel queasy, but it was close.

"I've seen the way you look at him, dear," she whispered.

"What about you and Malfoy, Parkinson? Rumor has it he only ever talks to you when-"

"Draco and I are doing just fine, honey!" Parkinson snapped, dropping her "concerned friend" act immediately.

"Really?" Lilith asked, smirking triumphantly. "I've seen the way he looks at Greengrass, and I'd say that if anyone's jealous, it's you."

"Did you hear the other part of the rumor about Potter?" Parkinson snarled as she balled her fists.

Lilith watched, disinterested. She knew that, while she wasn't exactly a master duelist, Parkinson was absolutely abysmal. She could barely even cast a disarming hex.

"What's that, Parkinson?"

"They're saying," she hissed, "that he's dating a Slytherin. What do you think that means?"

_That the idiots around here are marginally less stupid than they let on,_ Lilith thought. Looking at Parkinson, she just shrugged.

"Who's the prettiest girl in our year?" Parkinson asked, once again in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Lilith thought for a moment before, "the Patil twins?"

Parkinson bristled slightly, but she couldn't exactly contest the point. "Then who's the prettiest _Slytherin_?"

If Lilith were being honest, she'd have to say herself. But why be honest when trickery and deception were so much more entertaining? "Greengrass, no question."

"It's me, you daft bint!"

"Then why is Malfoy always oggling-"

Parkinson looked like she was about to scream, but she was interrupted by the door bursting open, announcing Tracey's, rather frenzied, arrival.

"Didja hear?" she asked excitedly. "There's a new rumor that Potter's got a girlfriend!"

"Yes, we were just talking about it," Lilith replied blandly. "I believe Parkinson thinks it's Greengrass."

"It's me!" she shouted.

Tracey stared at her in open fascination. "I thought you and Malfoy-"

"I'm done with Draco," Parkinson declared haughtily. "He was always undressing Daphne with his eyes, the pervert!"

"Oh, but you told me not ten minutes ago that you two were doing fine," Lilith reminded her in a tone of mock concern.

"Well obviously she dumped him for Potter!" Tracey said impatiently before rounding on Parkinson. "Well? Spit it out already, girl! I want _all_ the details! How long have you liked him? How'd you get together? Have you kissed yet?"

Parkinson shot Lilith a triumphant look, evidently forgetting that her ruse would be exposed the moment Harry's _real_ girlfriend stepped forward, before gushing about how wonderful Harry was, and how great he was at kissing. _If she only knew,_ Lilith thought, barely repressing a smirk.

"I guess that's true," Lilith interrupted thoughtfully. "He _is_ pretty gorgeous, not to mention famous. Why, any girl would be lucky to snag him, wouldn't they, Tracey?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Tracey replied dreamily. "Have you _seen_ his eyes? I mean, _wow!_"

"And the hair," Lilith sighed. "I can't decide whether to fix it or mess it up more."

"I know what you mean," Tracey replied, nodding emphatically.

"Why, I just can't wrap my head around the idea of you two together, Pansy," Lilith said, sounding thoughtful once again. "How _ever_ did you manage it?"

"Whatever do you mean, Lilith? All I had to do was drop a few hints, and before I knew it, I had him wrapped around my finger!"

"Yes, but Harry doesn't exactly seem like the type to go for someone just for looks, does he?" (Her use of Harry's given name went unnoticed by both Tracey and Parkinson, neither of whom was particularly bright.) "And you two have never exactly gotten on, have you?" Insinuating that Parkinson was good-looking was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, but Lilith knew it would all be worth it the next morning.

"You know how it is," Parkinson simpered disgustingly. "Opposites attract, after all."

_That's just wait the only way you two would ever get together, alright,_ Lilith thought wryly.

"We need to tell _everyone!_" Tracey announced excitedly.

A flicker of fear passed over Parkinson's face (which would forever be one of Lilith's fondest memories) before she spoke up. "Uh, Po- Harry wanted to keep it pretty quiet," she protested.

"Screw him!" Tracey shouted delightedly. "Girl, you've just snagged the hottest guy in school, and you _will_ tell everyone! Just think what it'll do to Draco! C'mon now, _march_!"

And with that, Tracey grabbed Parkinson's shoulders and frogmarched her back out to the common room, presumably to parade her around and declare to everyone willing to listen (and, knowing Tracey, quite a few people _unwilling_, as well,) that she was dating Harry Potter.

Lilith smiled to herself as she climbed into bed. She was very much looking forward to breakfast tomorrow.

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><p><strong>AN: I mentioned in the last AN that I realised that Lilith's presence in Harry's life kind of changes everything for him, so I might as well explain myself, right? I tend to think about my stories when I'm just walking around, and the idea for a "Lilith asks Harry about the hand again, realises that he wasn't joking about Umbridge doing it, and gets <em>very angry<em>" conversation popped into my head, which led into the realisation that there was no way in Hell she would let Umbridge get away with it: she's a Slytherin, and she won't let something like this lie. So I figured I'd add a couple of reaction chapters, then do a sequel showing all the changes that Lilith makes.  
><strong>

**Interestingly enough, I wasn't originally planning on this story being about Lilith. In my original draft, it was actually Lisa Turpin, but I realised that I wanted to use her for something else, so I changed it. Then I found that I liked this story better with a Slytherin, instead, so things kinda went from there. So, funnily enough, if I'd gone with that initial idea, the story would've remained a one-shot, since Lisa wouldn't be politically savvy (or connected) enough to pull off what Lilith has planned, and the Ravenclaw's reaction to one of them dating Harry wouldn't've been _nearly_ entertaining enough to justify a continuation.**

**About this chapter specifically, I just wanted to get their friends' and roommates' reactions outta the way. Partially because "OMG, I just got a girlfriend" Harry is super fun to write, and partially because I'm not a huge fan of how Slytherin reactions to one of their own dating the "Grffyndor Golden Boy" usually play out in fanfiction. Most of 'em would be surprised, sure, but would they really care very much? The only Slytherins that I think really would are Malfoy's crew and Parkinson's, hence Tracey's exuberance at Parkinson's "news." I mean really, aside from disliking him on general principal, what exactly do most Slytherins have against Harry? They don't even know the guy! Well, a reviewer _did_ point out that they would probably resent the last minute points at the end of the first two books, and there's always the fact that Harry's constantly beating Slytherin at quidditch, but besides those.  
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**Ignoring the fact that I was wrong about something, thanks for reading! Duke Out!**


	3. Goddamn Potter and Moon

**I do not, in any way, shape, or form, own Harry Potter.**

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><p>When Lilith woke up the next morning, it took her a few moments to remember why exactly she was in such a good mood, and why she wanted (not <em>had<em> wanted. _Wanted._) to smother Parkinson with a pillow before she woke up.

Lilith would happily admit that she could be somewhat possessive, and hearing Parkinson talk about her boyfriend like that was truly infuriating. It was also, however, completely worthwhile, considering that what Lilith had planned would simply kill her.

While not normally the type to go out of her way to make others unhappy, Lilith truly detested Parkinson, and if her being with Harry made dear Pansy jealous . . . While it certainly hadn't been Lilith's intention, it _was_ a nice bonus.

_I do believe I'll spend some extra time getting dressed this morning,_ Lilith mused happily. _Wouldn't want to look anything less than perfect today._

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><p>Harry was quite happy that it was a Saturday, as it meant that the normal dress code didn't apply. He was also, despite his protests at the time, truly grateful that Sirius had conspired with Mrs Weasley (a terrifying thought in and of itself) to take him on an extended clothes shopping trip over the summer.<p>

He still didn't have anything particularly posh (aside from a single suit, which Sirius had insisted they purchase before shooing them out the door. Harry still didn't know why, but he _did_ know Sirius, so he decided that that was probably for the best), but he _did_ have clothes that fit, and he was determined to find some combination that was . . . he supposed "fetching" was the word.

It took awhile, and Harry's pride had suffered a number of blows in the process (Ron, Dean, and Neville were _not_ helpful. Even Seamus had put aside his animosity towards Harry to provide a few opinions, which stung every bit as the others'), but he eventually settled on a pair of black jeans and a green turtleneck the same shade as his eyes, which, according to Mrs Weasley, was a good thing.

_Today'll be a good day,_ Harry decided as he walked into the common room.

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><p>"Aren't you excited, Pansy?" Tracey asked in her seemingly infinite capacity for obliviousness. "You look amazing! I'm sure Potter will eat you up!"<p>

Greengrass gave a grunt of what might have been assent, which, for her, was like declaring Parkinson to be the most beautiful girl in the world.

Lilith couldn't help but feel an odd mixture of elation at Parkinson's imminent humiliation and a cold fury at the thought of anyone other than her attempting to impress her boyfriend. She supposed she'd have to get that under control lest it show in her expression.

"Yes, I'm sure today will be _wonderful!_" Parkinson gushed throwing Lilith a triumphant smirk, which she had to keep herself from responding to in kind.

"Tell me, Pansy, how did Draco respond to your and Harry's relationship?" Lilith asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh, he was furious," Tracey replied offhandedly. "He made quite the scene."

"Oh?" Evidently she had underestimated just how wonderful today would be: not only would Parkinson humiliate herself, but she had also already humiliated Malfoy in a similar fashion, and all because she had tried, and failed, to screw with Lilith's had. Since Malfoy was being indirectly punished for his wandering eyes, it seemed to Lilith that his and Parkinson's suffering was largely self-inflicted, which only made it sweeter.

"Yeah, he made a big fuss about how Potter's nothing special, how Pansy was lowering herself to dating a half-blood, how he's the best in our year at everything, and a whole bunch of other stuff," Bulstrode chimed in, sounding bored.

Lilith shook her head sadly. It was no great secret that Harry could beat Malfoy at just about anything, nor was it uncommonly known that Malfoy was very, _very,_ jealous and resentful of him for it.

_If hearing that his girlfriend dumped him for Harry pissed him off, I can't wait to see how he reacts to hearing that she dumped him for a _chance_ with Harry._

Lilith looked around her at the other fifth year girls, all of whom were dressed up to some degree. Tracey had insisted, though Lilith couldn't for the life of her figure out why. Parkinson was wearing enough makeup (none of it particularly flattering) to supply all five of them, as well as a very revealing skirt and matching shirt. For a pureblood, it was almost scandalous, which, Lilith supposed, would only further add to the embarrassment of her doomed mission.

Greengrass wore, for whatever reason, a very conservative ballgown with light makeup, despite the fact that Hogwarts hadn't held a ball since the previous Christmas. Tracey was also wearing a dress with minimal makeup, although hers was significantly more casual.

Bulstrode wore a pair of _disturbingly_ short shorts with a long sleeved shirt and a coat that fell about halfway down her calves. She leaned more towards the Parkinson school of makeup, although hers was nowhere near as egregious. Not for lack of trying, simply because Parkinson wore so much that it was difficult to compete with her.

Lilith herself was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a white T-shirt, and black trainers with no makeup at all, much to Tracey's irritation. Parkinson, naturally, had taken it a sign that Lilith had admitted defeat.

"Ready girls?" Tracey asked as she threw the dorm's door open dramatically. The five of them stepped out with varying levels of anticipation, making their way up to the Great Hall together for the first time since their first year.

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><p>"Harry?" Ron asked in a tone of mock innocence. "Is there a <em>reason<em> you keep looking at the doors?"

Sure enough, Harry had been glancing at the doors leading from the Great Hall to the Entrance Hall every fifteen seconds ever since he, Ron, and Hermione had sat down for breakfast. Although, to be fair, the fact that he had drank six mugs of coffee in the past half-hour likely didn't help with his skittishness. _Alleged_ skittishness.

Just as Hermione was about to tell Ron to leave Harry alone (in such a way as to subtlety mock him herself) and Harry was about to chuck a biscuit at Ron's face, the doors burst open dramatically. Which was odd, since they were usually kept open during mealtimes. In fact, Harry would _swear_ that they had been open when he had last checked twenty-seven seconds ago.

In walked the five fifth year Slytherin girls, Parkinson in the lead with Greengrass and Davis waking next to each other behind her and Lilith and Bulstrode behind them. Harry hastily cast a breath freshening charm, earning him a knowing smirk from Hermione and a suggestive eyebrow waggle from Ron.

Harry, after subtly (or at least, he _hoped_ it was subtle) casting the charm, shot Lilith a questioning glance, to which she replied with a wink.

The five of them, to the surprise of most everyone present, marched up to the Gryffindor table, Harry rising to meet them. "You look wonderful," he told Lilith once they had reached each other. Lilith beamed at him, though Parkinson somehow seemed to get the impression that he had been addressing her.

"Thank you, Harry," she replied breathily. "May I have a private word?"

"Err, no?" Harry answered intelligently. Hoping to end the painfully awkward and confusing exchange before it really got going, he turned to address his girlfriend directly. "Morning, Lilith," he said brightly. "Care to sit with me?"

"Been practising?" she asked, sounding much more amused than Harry felt was really called for.

Harry snorted. "I'll have you know my charm is completely natural, love. In fact, its genetic!"

"Some genes," Lilith scoffed, evidently unimpressed.

The whole time they were talking, Parkinson (along with most of the hall) was staring at them with dawning comprehension, which quickly gave way to anger as Harry pulled Lilith in for a (relatively) brief kiss.

"You- him- and you- _ARRGH!_"

Davis was watching everything with open fascination, Greengrass had very slightly raised a single eyebrow and one corner of her mouth was pulled up into the smallest possible smile (which was the most emotion Harry had ever seen her express), and Bulstrode looked like she had broken her brain.

"Alright, what did you do, love?" Harry asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"I don't know what you mean," Lilith replied innocently. Harry raised an eyebrow at her, eliciting a small chuckle. "I may've fanned a few flames," she confessed. "But it was really all Parkinson's fault. _I_ certainly didn't ask her to try and make me jealous by claiming to be your girlfriend."

"I'm amazed the rumour even spread fast enough for her to hear I _had_ a girlfriend," Harry replied with the air of someone attempting to solve a mildly interesting puzzle.

"Well after Ron's announcement," Fred Weasley began joyously from the Grffindor table.

"We decided to spread the happy news!" his twin, George, finished, sounding as though he had won the lottery.

"'Course they did," Harry muttered.

"Announcement?" Lilith asked, sounding annoyed.

"Err, yeah, that bit's Ron's fault," Harry reported sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "Hermione mentioned that you were in our potions class, and he kind of blurted out that I was dating a Slytherin. _Really loudly,_" Harry added, shooting Ron a death glare.

Everyone in the Great Hall was been watching their conversion, eyes flicking from Harry to Lilith to Parkinson and back again as though they were watching a tennis match, whispering furiously all the while. Nobody interfered, however, seeming to think that whatever they were watching was more interesting than it would be with a few more players.

"Harry," Lilith began reproachfully. "I had _plans._" Harry gulped slightly. "And woe betide anyone who gets in the way of my plans."

Before Lilith could continue her scolding, Parkinson marched up to her, shoved her aside, and grabbed Harry's face with both her hands. "You don't want someone like _her,_ Harry," she informed him, batting her fake eyelashes at him as she spoke.

Harry, for his part, pulled out of her grip and tried to hide behind Lilith. "_Help me!_" he pleaded as he adjusted his head so that he could keep a wary eye on Parkinson.

"Luckily for you, this is a lot more entertaining than what I had planned," Lilith said as though she hadn't been interrupted, "so I'll let you off with a warning, this time."

Harry visibly relaxed, though Parkinson looked, if anything, angrier than ever.

"_Her?_ Really, Potter? When you won't even _look_ at _me?_"

"But you hate me," Harry said, getting more confused as the conversion wore on. "Why would you-"

"Either to make me jealous or because you're hot enough to make up for it," Lilith answered, watching Parkinson's reaction carefully.

"Oh, well, when you spell it out like that," Harry said, sounding thoughtful, "why _would_ I want to date someone like Lilith when I could be with the shallowest girl in school?"

"I guess I just can't compete with you, Pansy," Lilith sighed dramatically. "So sad we both have our eyes on the same boy."

"I'm not a commodity," Harry protested.

"You're cute when you're indignant," Lilith decided, choosing to ignore his larger point.

"I'm always cute," Harry informed her with a self-satisfied smirk.

At this, the students burst out laughing. Lilith turned away from Parkinson to face Harry, looking at him sadly. "I'm not sure where you leaned to flirt, but . . ."

"But I had a _great_ teacher!" Harry protested.

"Either that's not true, or your charm really _is_ genetic." At this, the entire Gryffindor table started laughing uproariously.

Harry, who couldn't decide whom to glare at first, decided to take the high road and ignore them. "I'd _swear_ you're trying to imply something," he said, face screwed up in mock concentration. "_Oh!_ I _got_ it! You're saying that because my parents were so charming, it means that I am, too."

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Lilith informed him, grinning. This was the first time she had ever engaged in such banter: Tracey wasn't _nearly_ bright enough to keep up with it, and Theodore was too prim and proper to hold with such plebeian nonsense. Her Ravenclaw friends, while they certainly _could_ banter like this, just weren't the sorts to do so.

"I believe, Mr Potter, Ms Moon, that the two of you have held our attention long enough," Dumbledore cut in, eyes twinkling (although, as he now always did, he avoided meeting Harry's). "If the six of you could take your seats?"

They did, though Parkinson waited for Harry and Lilith to sit first so that she could take a seat from which she could glare at them. The offending couple took seats (or rather, _a_ seat: Lilith deposited herself on Harry's lap) opposite Ron and Hermione, and the four of them enjoyed an oddly quiet breakfast. As Harry half expected, the other shoe dropped almost as soon as the meal ended.

"You guys go on," Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione as he noticed Umbridge, in all her toad-like glory, stalking towards them, a sickeningly sweet smile plastered on her oddly square face.

Ron, registering Harry's tone, refrained from another eyebrow waggle as he and Hermione stood.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on one's view, Harry and Lilith were the last two students in the hall by the time Umbridge reached them, leaving them alone with her and professors McGonagall and Snape.

"We haven't broken any rules, have we, Professor Umbridge?" Harry asked in an innocent tone.

"I should like to know how you two thought that your little display was acceptable," she informed them. Her voice was like sugar mixed with potassium cyanide: disgustingly sweet and instantly fatal.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I'm not sure what you mean," Lilith told her, fighting hard to keep any irritation out of her tone. "I believe that Parkinson made more a scene than we did. Neither of _us_ screamed."

Harry, before Umbridge could respond, leaned forward and said, in a very carrying whisper, "we can fix that, love."

He knew, as soon as he said it, that there would be hell to pay later, but the expressions on McGonagall's, Snape's, and _especially_ Umbridge's faces were absolutely worth it.

As Umbridge was unable to do much more than splutter furiously, Harry decided it was time to leave. He stood, pulling Lilith up with him, before nodding politely to McGonagall and grinning wickedly at Snape.

As the three of them were still frozen in shock, Harry stopped at the doors and pulled Lilith into a long kiss, which she responded to with a vengeance.

All in all neither was particularly surprised when Umbridge announced her next Educational Decree the following Monday.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This'll be <em>the last update<em> for this story. I mean it this time, guys. I'm working on the sequel, and I'll be posting the entire thing once it's finished,**** but it'll be a story with a very different feel to it, hence the reason I'll be doing them separately. Also, the sequel will probably be a while. Like, a _long_ while, since I'm still looking for a beta, and I've been having a hard time writing a more political story: I've been having a hard time writing an introduction that amounts to more than just people sitting together and explaining stuff to each other.**

**This story was only ever intended as a lighthearted ****alternative pairing**** fic with a healthy dose of ****"nobody likes Umbridge,"**** but it kinda took on a life if its own after I realised just how much having an intelligent, confident, and politically savvy person in his life would affect Harry. Well, I suppose Dumbledore's all those things as well, but he isn't exactly unreservedly on Harry's side, now is he? A _touch_ manipulative for my tastes, personally. The sequel, on the other hand, will be much more serious and will explore the consequences and implications of Harry and Lilith's relationship.**

**Speaking of Lilith, her actual (which is to say cannonical) name's Lily, but everyone (myself included) thought that it was Lilith since forever ago, so to me, Lilith she shall remain. Sorry if that confuses anyone. Except not really. Personally, I think it's kinda weird to date someone with the same first name as one of your parents, or at least, weird enough that it's unlikely to happen in fiction unless it's a plot point, so yeah. There's nothing _wrong_ with it by any stretch, it's just kind of a weird coincidence. Especially for someone like Harry who never knew his parents, and spends a lot of time around people who refer to them by their first names.**

**Moving on. As I say, the sequel will hopefully be up soonishly, but as I said, I plan on writing the entire story before I start posting it. As far as its actual content goes, it'll mostly focus on Lilith and Harry using the political system to their advantage in the fight against Voldemort. ****Oh, and, because I realise that it probably wasn't very clear in the story, I'd like to point something out here: Harry and Lilith's negative opinions of Parkinson break through into the narration, much as they (or at least, Harry's does) do in cannon (unless Parkinson actually _does_ look like a pug, which I have a hard time believing), hence the reason she's constantly described in purely negative terms. Parkinson, at least in my story, is actually rather pretty, but as both Harry and Lilith despise her, they don't actually see it. So yeah. That's the reason for that. If you were wondering. And yes, Tracey _did_ close the doors to the Great Hall just so that Parkinson could open them dramatically.**

**Pretty long-winded AN, but I can live with that. Before I sign off, I just wanna say one thing: the response to this story has been completely insane, and I mean that in the best way possible. I never imagined that I'd get more than a few dozen views, but I certainly have, and it makes me happier than I can say. Not only that, but I've gotten, like, _a bajillion _reviews. And not just stuff like "hey, man, good job." Naw, I'm talking _actual_, reviews. I've gotten some really interesting and thoughtful feedback, and that, without a doubt, is just about the coolest thing ever. But I'm rambling more than ever now, so I'll just end this here. As always, thanks for reading! Duke out!**


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